Dear T,

I am making you a model. I made one for me and I thought maybe you would like one too. At least, I plan on giving to you I think... Maybe. I'm certainly making it with you in mind, though too be honest you are on my mind nearly every second of the day right now and I don't know if I can make that stop. I don't think I can.

It must be trying to tell me something, I just have absolutely no idea what yet! It wasn't like this during lockdown. Nothing like this. I'm confused!

It's not like I am actively thinking about you, just that my thoughts always go there. We can't control our thoughts, can we. I'm still trying the whole mindfulness stuff, with varying degrees of success. The model making is definitely helping with staying grounded in the here and now.

I'm also doing a bit better at the whole self care thing. I have been going to the gym this week and treating myself to a sauna afterwards too.

It's been nearly two weeks since I saw old T, and I see her again in 3 days. Then the following week I'm away, and then the week after is when you should be coming back, maybe.

I'm scared, to be honest. Scared of you coming back, and scared of you not coming back.

I think I'd like to make dreamcatchers if/when we do have another session. Little One would like to say hi.

I miss you, I love you,

Me x