I slipped last night. I wanted to speak with her about our interactions and she and I ended up meeting for a talk. We went to a bar and I had a beer, she had a wine. As I became hurt about her confusion over whether we can proceed in our relationship, I had a second beer which upset her because she had asked me to limit to one drink or share the remainder of her wine with her.

Only two drinks versus my usual 6 or 7, but (1) I defied her reasonable wish and (2) it devolved into my usual argumentative accusations about her wrong actions. I have to work more on the drinking and also on increasing my emotional maturity to avoid these emotional escalations - yes alcohol tends to make them worse, but even sober I know my anxious attachment and insecurity are far greater than I had realized and need immediate attention.

One step at a time. I'll keep reporting back.

Thanks as always.