I’m still so nervous and stressed about this vacation. I just haven’t planned it myself and the fear of the loss of control is getting to me. When I plan a long weekend I feel like we have to be doing something every day all day. Vacations are not relaxing to me. When RS and I went away for our first anniversary to the mountains I felt like I had to make sure we were occupied. I thought he would be upset if we didn’t have anything to do. But I’m not in charge of this vacation and it’s for a whole week which I haven’t done in almost 20 years. I’m going to try to make a real effort to slow down and stay in the moment when I’m there.

I also just cannot stop obsessing about food and my weight. I put away the scale which is good because if I saw above a certain number I would cry. In terms of how my clothes fit they still fit the same so I can’t have gained too much. But I feel just awful. I cannot figure out how to eat healthy and still be happy with what I eat. Im having trouble with portion because I’m not measuring but if I do measure it will trigger me to be even more obsessed. I did buy little paper bowls which I think will at least help me portion out snacks like chips and crackers. I don’t need to measure obsessively, just throw a handful into the bowl. Maybe not good for the environment but I can only deal with one issue at a time!