This guy-the stalker--I hadn't told anybody what else happened. Not the police, caseworker, nobody. I wrote my T a loooooooong note since our appointment last Wednesday. 5 pages of it were written just yesterday and I dropped it off last night. I told my T without using specific words what else happened. I let this guy do things to me, touch me. There was one time that more happened. He was a friend. He would sometimes say sorry, he shouldn't have done that. I could just give one of those awkward smiles. Sometimes I'd do that and say "yeah", like when mildly scolding/reminding a child who just got caught doing wrong. But I never said no. I never really tried to stop it. I didn't know what I wanted. Did I want it, or not, I couldn't tell you. I was more tolerable of it in the beginning. The more it happened and the more I saw his personality, the more withdrawn I became, the more I tried to numb it out and distract myself during it. I never really participated. He did it all. He was a friend--a really good friend. With privileges. He got away with more than what should have happened. Because he was a friend. Sometimes I would kind of play along hoping he'd get his fix while I tried to change the subject. Why didn't I say no? Why did I let all this happen? I am too damn emotional! I can't take more of this! I am done with men, all men, they could all die for all I care emotionally right now.