Hello Modestly,
A lot of what you post brings back vivid memories of how self absorbed and how much I used to beat my self up when I was younger. I am now a much older man of 63 years old and I can indeed tell you that things can and do get better as you learn to stop telling yourself lies that are somebody elses responsibility. What I mean by this is that it appears that whenever you have an awkward or unsuccessful social encounter you take 100% blame for it. That is a lie. In many social situations it can be and is the other persons negativity, anger, hangups, etc. That is the problem, and it has nothing to do with you or your condition. I have Asperbers syndrome myself, and these are things I just had to learn on my own journey.
I do face loneliness at different times even now, but it is not the crippling kind like when I was younger. The truth is that people like us really love to spend a lot of quiet time by ourselves. There is nothing abnormal about that for us, actually this is our happy place and our creator gave us this blessing/curse. You see, you are wrong in your presumption that people that you view as "normal" have a happy stress free life. That is another lie, nobody really has a significant advantage in their personality or social ability. We are all doomed to a life where we all have great trials or struggles. The social ones who seem to have this great life to you are cursing and are miserable for all of the drama and trouble they get from their unreliable and disloyal friends for only want to use them for their own selfish wants and needs.

Best Wishes