I couldn't follow the part about the weekend trip and the last wish, were these two separate issues? I also couldn't follow how his work interfered or how his wish to rest on Sundays interfered.


How I interpreted it but I don't really understand is: your partner was willing to go with you to see your parent but wanted to do work after getting home in the evening? And you wanted to rest in the evening and wanted to do the work on Sunday instead? Was the weekend trip going to be on this Sunday?

Where you say "I just thought my bf of 4 years would want to be with me in this situation" that is an assumption, I think. You created a theory about why he said the words he did and why he does the behaviour he did. It doesn't mean the theory is right, it doesn't mean your bf didn't care to be there for you. You need to ask him if he wanted to be with you, and you need to ask him if he was at all aware of what you'd like him to do. He cannot mindread. No one can mindread in an accurate, precise, infallible way. We all can just create theories when trying to read minds and it won't necessarily be the truth.

I also think it's a common misunderstanding that because the partner values some things highly (e.g. work) then they can't value other things too (i.e. being there for you). This misunderstanding is really common.

To me it sounds like your partner could learn some more empathy, and he seems kinda rigid in some things, but he does seem to care about you because he was willing to learn new things in therapy to change his behaviour and to not blame you. That's a big thing, many people do not care to go out of their way to learn like that. It would be great if he did learn more, too, we all always need to learn more. Him too, you too, everyone.


Another thing I thought of. Where you speak of the issue that got resolved in therapy like this, because your partner learned to change behaviour and not blame you, and it was 2 years ago, and now the issue is not an issue in the present, but you feel you haven't recovered from it. I would suggest that you do not blame your partner for not being over it. It seems like a break of your trust and seems like you need to process things for yourself there. You need to always remember that feelings are not the sole truth of the situation. So if you feel there are unresolved feelings, you have to fully process them. Then the end result could be that you can trust him again about the issue, or that it truly - objectively - is an actual basis for mistrust and then you have to end the relationship. Then you can go and find a better quality relationship. But you can't just decide based on feelings, you have to process those feelings and be objective too when deciding. Both empathy and objectivity are needed. I think that answers your original question too.

It can be incrediby hard too, to decide about whether a relationship needs to be ended. I've had problems with it myself in the past. So I understand. I hope you'll sort it out. I wish you luck to that.

Anyway just my opinion and thoughts/interpretations.