"It hurts that I have to work to understand YET AGAIN that T is a seperate person and isn't going to "rescue" me, yes she will help me work through my issues, but shes not about to lay down her life for me"

Yeah, this. This is so painful to me too. I know I want, on a really deep level, to go back and do my whole childhood over again with T as my parent. I feel so strongly the things that I missed out on when T gives them to me now, even a little bit. It is hard and it hurts.

Sending you lots of