Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I am sorry about your brother. It sounds like he has some issues.
I’d be devastated if my brother didn’t speak to me but then we are close. It sounds your relationship with your brother is extremely limited as it is, you don’t even know if he works (not saying it’s your fault relationship is as such). But if it’s already extremely limited, then him not talking might not be such a huge change.
Now I see the issue is that it’s hard to see your parents. But you still can if you give a heads up, which most people do anyways. How often do you go to their house? We are close knit family too but honestly we aren’t in each other houses that often. Could you ever meet in a neutral territory? Them visiting you? Your brother not speaking to you, although is hard, shouldn’t stop you from seeing your parents. I think? Maybe I am just not understanding the issue
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I really appreciate this response divine. You are right. I can see my parents still. My Mom and I go shopping on her lunch break. I'm also welcome at their house in the morning and after 6pm. I should not ends my relationship with my mom because of this. We love each other very much. And she visits me too at my apt. She's always welcome.
I just struggle with the fact that she helps him avoid me. Everyday, she texts him "she's coming over in about 20." Something like that. She has mistakenly sent a couple of these texts to me. Once I came over, and took a shower. He "snuck out" and left while I was in the shower. It really hurts. He is sending a message to me that hurts. And he's involving her, which also hurts. Whether or not he knows he's sending this message, I don't know. And I think its important for me to remember: my parents. I have a relationship with them. Not him (anymore). Which is true, it never was really that solid.
My level of closeness with him before this, varied. We used to sometimes have very intellectual deep conversations that lasted hours.Other times, he'd just ignore me when he came out of his room and sound flat or annoyed if I spoke to him. Despite this, its been painful to have this happen. And its been hard "letting him go" so to speak. But I'm doing better with that lately.
And this is likely for the best..
I DO think...that him living his life this way, is pretty...sad. Whether meant to hurt someone else (me) and send a message, or whether he is just avoiding...that in and of itself...revolving your life around someone else.....and your behaviors, is pretty sad. Maybe he actually goes somewhere when he leaves. I don't know. I hope so.
I can't control him. But I can control me. Especially my own internal experience / mood, etc. To a certain degree. I was really depressed over the weekend due to a number of triggers. And the way I was thinking about some things was a bit intense and probably distorted. It makes sense to me why it hurts and why I'm hurt over this. But I also can do my best to live a happy life. I'm not sure my brother knows how to do this. Also, I take full responsibility for my part in our fight. Its not how I want to be and that night I really didn't live up to who I wish to be in the world. But if I let go of this, he doesn't have much to punish me with. He did mention, that night, that there should be consequences to my actions. Which leads me to think this is his "punishment." Maybe its a gift, in a sense. I think letting go of this / self forgiveness and continuing to be mindful of how I show up in conflicts is the way to go. I wish I was not reactive and sometimes impulsive! I'm working on this, I care, and don't want to harm. I think the right ppl will understand. Some people aren't for us. And we aren't for some people. Even our siblings.
Edit: I went on kind of a tangent at the end and I want to express that when I said "the right ppl will understand," I was not talking about you, divine, and how you said you may not be understanding my issue fully. Its a separate context that I was using that wording.