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Originally Posted by Mystical_Being
Yes we were in agreement that-the main thing I went to see her for is listed as one of her specialties. She did say in the beginning that she only worked with children who had it and still spent 8 months working on it with me. It’s a life long thing and in the start of our work she said it takes as long as it takes and now its “it doesn’t take this long to work through this”. She is now saying I need a therapist who deals with this in adults. She should not have taken me on if she has that little experience with adults. This woman is colder than doing the polar plunge in winter. Yes she knows of my attachment issues and is now saying she only deals with them in children and I need a therapist who does adult attachment issues. Don’t take someone on when you don’t know what you are doing and then ditch them later because its “to much” for you.
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Yeah, bull****. Let's assume she genuinely underestimated how different this would be from her exact speciality, and genuinely can't handle the situation - that sort of mistakes happen. In which case the correct solution is indeed to transfer you to someone else. BUT then she should effin' take responsibility for her mistake. Not blame you for not getting well enough fast enough and leave you alone with the problem. Sorry you're going through this
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I have tried openly discussing these all of this with her and each time she argues with me, gets defensive and dismissive. Its like walking on egg shells and our arguments are like a toxic teenage friendship. She won’t allow me to discuss my feelings on it at all. It doesn’t feel safe to anyways. This this whole thing is so messed up. So you can probably see my hesitation in more therapy.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I am also not over my T before this one and its a long, hard, lonely road. So its helpful that I am not alone in that. Therapists don’t understand there impact on people or they do and use it for a personal power trip.
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Oh, damn her
Also, this sounds soooo like xT. Yeah, I do see why you're reluctant to engage in yet more therapy. If my current T pulled something like this on me, after nearly convincing me that she's reliable, I don't think I'd ever trust another one. I mean, at this point it does seem unlikely that she would, but I still fear that the moment I allow myself to feel safe something like this will happen. Clearly, even when you have a really solid reason to believe that the therapist knows what she's doing and things will work out, she still might just, dunno, get fed up and dump you.
And yeah, they're so blind to the degree of hurt they can cause. But not understanding? I'm not sure. Based on my xT, towards the end she developed an inability to understand things that I'm pretty sure we'd have no difficulty discussing and agreeing on in a neutral situation (or even things that I outright remember her explaining in a different context). (And I'm inclined to believe that in those specific situations she genuinely could not see those things - I have my own experiences with brain suddenly going empty and not knowing even what I know) So I think often it's more some stupid defense mechanism than an actual lack of understanding.