I asked my T to listen to the song Halls because it reminded me so much of her. The first part that goes “pouring rain in Tucson Arizona, checked into the Congress hotel” reminds me of how I had to check into a hotel while looking for a new house. It was raining too. Then the part that goes “I’m looking for another story I could tell.” Means how I can often move on from person to person easily and the last therapist is just another chapter in my life. The part that goes “Cut my hair and I found me a new girlfriend” is about how I found a new therapis. The part that goes “thought a broken heart could fix a perfect song. But it didn’t so I’m right and now your gone” meaning that I found a new therapist but still couldn’t replace her. Then there’s a part that goes “played the show, left another message, booked a ticket for tomorrow in Tempe. 3AM I’m doing cartwheels down the hall way, I’ve been drinking since the day I set you free. But on this airport morning will you wait for me.” That is reference to the email situation and how I often wake up at 3AM and I drink cough syrup sometimes to deal with my emotions. Then everything after that part is “you echo in the halls, I feel your shadow on this empty stage, I hear your music through the walls. I see your picture on the blank page” which just means wherever I go I can feel her and random stuff reminds me of her.

I asked her to listen to the song at our second to last session and then at the last one I asked if she did and she said she read the lyrics and she asked me why I wanted her to listen to it. And I told her that it reminded me of her. Then she said to keep in mind the transference with the next therapist.

I’ve probably just gone off my rocker but it really does remind me of her.