So I’m dealing with the after affects of a 2.5 year relationship and am about 4 months out of it but many occurrences, instances and words said to me over that time plays on my mind. She had an anxious attachment type, I am secure (Although she believes I’m Avoidant). At the beginning of the relationship she always used to say that it would be her own insecurities that would be the cause for the relationship to end. Now I am post end and I finally believe that to be true. Time after time I was given this false narrative that I am only with her because she was the “safe choice” and that to be with her then I was only “settling”. A False narrative that I am only using her and that one day I will just fall out of love with her and leave her because that happens to “other people”.

I am a believer that you cannot have love without trust and you cannot have trust without respect. My love grew secure while hers was every much insecure. In the end, it was the bottom base of respect that was my deciding factor to walk away. This person did not respect me, thus could not trust me and thus could not truly love me.

I was countlessly asked “So what do you think of when we have sex?”. I always answer the same, of course I was only in the moment with her and thought of no one else but her. To be asked this question every couple of months was a true hit to my character and invalidated myself and our sex life. I would be asked so are you “In love” or just “love”?. I’d be asked so do you still want to get a house together? I wrote in a Valentines Day love letter “I love you more and more everyday” but it was met with words of “what do you mean by that as you do less and less every?” A total punch to my heart and devotion. I was also told “Maybe someone doesn’t need all that you do do” and then the next day told “she didn’t mean it that way” which is a form of gas lighting. I was asked questions such as “So do you think you’re a good boyfriend?” “Do you feel that you nurture this relationship?”. These types of questions felt degrading, insulting and being called to the carpet one too many times. I’m not a used car trying to sell myself. This person obviously didn’t know who I was, what I stand for nor understand that she was loved more than anyone in my life. For this very reason I decided to walk away.

To this day, these issues hurt me. I loved and cared about someone more than I ever have before. Because of their own insecurities, it was projected on me and made me feel that I was not enough, that I wasn’t doing enough, and that she was always at a “crossroads” making me feel that she would be on her way out soon. Yet, I was put a pedestal in every aspect and always told I was the best boyfriend in every aspect she’d ever have. A Pedestal to always questioning my worth and making me question my own worth myself? Up and down….Up and down. I walked away from this type of toxicity as love should bring you up and not down. Someone should uplift you, not make you question your worth and devalue all that you bring.

Has anyone else been through this type of emotional abuse? Has anyone ever been through this type of toxicity?