I do feel this emptiness/numbness, grieving without knowing why. It is usually when I think about my childhood...when I see a certain child, family, or person that reminds me of myself when I was growing up, or even someone who takes very good care of their child...I often long for that experience and wish I could go back in time and protect/comfort myself. I struggle to feel complete and whole when I am alone, but I wear my heart on my sleeve and I place very high importance on other peoples affirmations/criticisms. At the same time I can really enjoy my alone time, but it is very consuming and I feel so disconnected I start to question my life...So relationships always feel like a double-edged sword. No one really knows how hard it is for me because I almost always hide how I feel, and I blame myself for any problems. Relationships are so exhausting for me, even though I am an extrovert. It feels like they either take me so high and make me feel so good, or they suck the life out of me...Some relationships do more harm than good and lately I don't have the energy to take part in them...
I'm trying to work on having balance in life...I try to spend time alone and do self-love, and also make sure I connect to other people who are loving/encouraging toward me. I'm so grateful for PC and all the wonderful people here.