For me, my world fell apart when my Mum died, but not for the reason most people jump to. Abuse and neglect had been buried in my past, I assumed I had dealt with them but it turned out all I had done is ignored it all. Never a word spoken. I mean it was pretty obvious really, but I didn't care to look at it. I couldn't look at it.

So when she died it was like Pandora's box opened. Clichéd but so true. Wow. I couldn't keep it together, despite the fact that I was ALWAYS the one who kept it together. I was on the verge of starting drugs again or self harming or worse. I managed to confide in someone who basically forced me to get some help. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done, ask for help, but I knew I really needed it.

Here's the big reason. I had worked too hard to build myself a life to go and destroy it again.

And why do I stay? Because I am worth the effort.

I think you have to believe that, on some level, in order to put yourself through therapy.

I hope that you can figure out a way forwards. You are worth the effort. You deserve to be truly happy and if you aren't, then why not give therapy a go. My experience has been very positive.

Ps, I am in a reparenting type therapy, my counselor is humanistic in approach and I interviewed 7 or 8 Ts before I would find someone who would work with me how I wanted. I'm glad I interviewed them well... I definitely weeded out some weirdos and some non understanding people.

Last thing, you say you lack insight, but do you have a gut feeling on what you need?

Take care, and u wish you well x