I'm not sure if this is related to my bipolar, but I'm hoping someone might have some insights into what could be the cause of this, because I've been struggling with it for a long time.

The gist of it is that it's really difficult for me to absorb information verbally. In university I never used to go to lectures, because they are just a huge waste of time for me. Instead I always read books and absorb the material on my own, which I have no problems with. That wasn't really a huge issue, but of course at work meetings aren't optional, so it's much more of a problem in that context.

Other people seem able to engage during meetings, they can take in the information and ask insightful questions, but for me it's just one big blur. It's as if my mind just can't function that way, for reasons I don't understand. FWIW I have no problems at all putting my thoughts into words and conveying them to other people. Nor do I have an issue understanding what people say when it's via e-mail or some other written medium. It's just that I can't absorb the spoken word. I try to get written summaries of meetings when I can so that I can go through it later, but it's not always possible. I wish I understood this part of myself better.

My main dx is bipolar, but I also have schizoid/avoidant tendencies and I have another dx of depersonalisation/derealization disorder. I wonder if it might be related to that somehow. I've also wondered whether I might be on the autism spectrum (and other people have thought that about me, too) but when my psychiatrist tested me for that the results were negative.