I was reading this thing online about how you can move forward but moving on is difficult and it’s often the connection and familiarity you miss with someone. But you don’t necessarily miss the person themselves. I know with my old T it would be bad to go back to her and I don’t miss her as much as I miss that trust I had with her and how I was able to tell her things that no one else knew and she understood and accepted them. But I don’t think it’s her herself that I miss. I just hope the next T is decent.

I’m honestly wondering if I miss the transference more then anything else about her. And how much I wanted her to care and be worried about me and how much the telesessions screwed me over. I mean maybe I really do just miss the transference.

My last T, the one I met with who was weird, was always asking how I was feeling and she’d stop the session to ask if I was ok. But it just wasn’t the same as it was when my old T would do those things.