Well my first husband is doing great, a assistant vice president at a bank making around 200k a year, married with 4 kids that he always wanted. HIs 3rd wife was the charm. My 3rd husband was a piece of work that screwed me over like basically all my husbands did. I wish I could meet a guy that liked me for me but it doesn't seem to be in the cards. I was a rich kid taken for my money. My 2nd husband took my retirement, money from the house, anything he could get his hands on. I've just been screwed over screwed over screwed over. Now I see my first husband basking in a rewarded life. My life is **** in comparison.

I'm mentally ill so I shouldn't work full-time so advancing my career and life is out. I've gained 100 lbs 70 from meds. the rest from eating junk food. I'm just so bummed. He turned into the guy I always knew he could be, but when I married him he hadn't completed a degree and had no plans to return to school. Now he has a master's degree. He's in shape like he was. Our son died, he basically abadoned him, to go live with his happy family.

My mom tells me I don't respect vows, but my parents were the one pulling me away from him. He did strike me once. Begged and pleaded for forgiveness but I said no, once was too much. My parents hated him so it made it easier to leave than it would have been to stay. Now I get to see how wonderful his life turned out. While mine was a loss of my children both of them, son dies, daughter lives with dad, miscarriage cause I told God I couldn't lose a 3rd child. I always wanted 3 children now I think of the 14 year old I don't have. The marriages that didn't work out due to abuse. I attract abuse. Even dating sucks. Guys just looking for hook-ups. I want a real descent relationship. Why is that like the hardest thing in the world to ask for? Too late for kids. Doctors would kill me if I got pregnant so would my mom, I think she really hates me. She's been telling me not to have kids since I was young enough to have them.

I just want to be in a happy relationship, with a family. I missed the family part of life. Cause my mind broke. Honestly I just wish my life would end, it seems so fruitless. I can't have the life I want to have, I'm supposed to just live as a disabled person off the gov't. I don't want to live off the gov't. I want to be rich, successful, married. But I"ve tried 3x to be married and every guy was wrong for me. Abused me, abused my son, abused my finances. Now I look at owning a house, but I have debts to pay down. I feel like I need to win the lottery to buy a house. or condo, or whatever. Being disabled is so limiting it sucks. I'll never have the life I wanted and he got the life he dreamed of. I'm so sad. I'm happy it worked out for him in some ways but in others I'm just sad.