(PS) this is a ''terrible'' post

I do not have time to delete it.

I came across this... I'm not tolerant of people being mean just because they can, tone of voice, bad looks etc. I feel like the girl ''with bear legs'' in the book. Except she had a deep bond with both the ''maternal figures''. I guess I have ''always'' been ''different'' so they think it's ok to treat me with indifference at best (irl). I wish I could change that. I do not look like a bear ''should'' Papa bear thinks I am beautiful. The best compliment my dad ever said was I was ''almost beautiful''... what even is beauty? Those words didn't make me feel good but I was ALWAYS a disappointment to the mother. I love her but we did not bond. I guess I was a ''bad'' person or ''just a needy child''...yeah right. Sorry about the ''whine'', it's not even on topic.

I was taught to ''turn the other cheek'' and to forgive. They did not forgive me though.

How tolerant are you of people who are repeatedly cold and cruel? I ''kept making mistakes'' my ''mum'' said. I think this is common with bipolar especially when untreated. Almost Nobody knows me now, she didn't know me either. That's sad.

I feel like deleting this. I still ''suck at writing posts'' and pretty much everything else after all this time That's what they kept telling me, how ''no good'' I was. Thanks for that. (not anyone here, ''just'' all of the family and some others)

Papa bear doesn't like talking to people, I tried to interest him in some online interaction but he just is not interested. (He prefers gardening)

I do like people, at least people who are not ''haters''

A friend was told by a therapist there is ''no cure''...(and was discharged.. I have heard a similar story more than a few times from others in this forest ) I do not think this is an optimal way of expressing things? This is for CPTSD but I think those words are sub optimal for bipolar and all MI?

Sorry about the ''boring'' ramble. I'm mostly ok, just had a few thoughts which I now feel like deleting. Papa bear does NOT want me to talk to a therapist, and the meds continue to cause me severe allergies when I try them.. (apart from benzos) I don't think the medics believe me. They do not have time to listen.

I guess the post on ''confidence'' stuck a chord. It's hard when people look at me as if I'm an alien or worse. Maybe I'm ''just paranoid'' but I'm not... not everyone reacts in this way. A post in the ''avoidant'' forum struck a chord with me somewhat but I have been ''dxd'' online as not having this. I wish I did not... maybe I'm just imagining the whole thing. UGH and now another UGGGGH song is playing