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For that reason, I’m really afraid to go into therapy without a clear understand of what I need, where I am, a plan to move forward, and a goal. I feel even worse I can’t seem to get myself to have a clear idea of that either.
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It does make things difficult (for the therapist as well) if you don't have that clarity, and many therapists can't handle it. But therapy should also be a place where you get help figuring those things out, because where else? My xT was pretty hopeless with my directionless, fragmented mess. Current one can at least tolerte it and some things are slowly starting to take shape. Will answer more later.