Uuuugh I am feeling TERRIBLE about my food choices today. I haven’t really been freaking out too much because we haven’t been eating out. One of the people we are staying with bought a week’s worth of groceries and has cooked for us every night (she loves it, we’re not forcing her lol). Simple cereal breakfast, tuna sandwich lunch, and whatever cooked dinner is on the menu. We have mini packs of snacks like mini Oreos and ritz bits so I have that for an evening snack. But we ate out for lunch today just to do something different and I had two helpings of ziti and garlic bread AND a cinnamon roll for dessert. I think the eating out is what threw me. Now I feel awful and fat and disgusted with myself. I keep telling myself I’ll “get back on track” when we get home but I’m worried about gaining weight so much!

If you go by BMI charts I’m still 60lbs overweight but it’s becoming more apparent in medical communities that the BMI chart is outdated and not a good measure of health. I’m just overwhelmed with changing my relationship with food, like it’s just ONE MORE THING I have to work on mentally.

I have a physical coming up in a couple of weeks and I think I’m going to bring up my concerns with my dr. I can’t bear to be weighed, if I see above a certain number I will freak out inside. I’ll have to tell them do NOT tell me my weight. I need like a piece of paper with simple swaps to start me in the right direction of eating healthier for nutrition, not weight loss. I know everything in my head, more fruits/veggies, less refined carbs/sugar, blah blah blah, but I don’t know how to actually apply it.

I did attend a group in my program about mindful eating. I need to get my printer up and working so I can print out the handouts I think are most helpful so I have a physical copy to look at. Right now we seem to be leaning more to the side of DBT that I can’t get on board with (a bunch of spiritual sounding hoo ha in my opinion) but before there was some good distress tolerance and emotion regulation stuff.

Seems like my son just returned from the beach bonfire. I was there until my med reminder went off. It was very nice watching the sun set over the water sitting around a fire. Definitely a first for me!