Ruby, you do not see anything wrong with the way that you "look up to" supervisors and superiors. It's your whole approach to looking up to someone that gets you into trouble. You become obsessed with the person, to the point of wanting to be around them off work hours and to the point of completely melting down and acting out when they no longer wish to communicate with you. This obsession has become out of control, your behavior at work is out of control and until you get help, the same issue will keep repeating itself over and over again. People here are encouraging you to seek additional assistance and to stay out of work until you can get a handle on your issues. You need professional help and a counselor who can help you with behavioral issues. Perhaps cognitive behavioral therapy would help.