@blubbbrabbel


I've reread your previous post and I think I put it together. So he wanted to go on a trip with you on Sunday and wanted to do the work in the evening on the day after you two going to see your mother. That trip was your idea originally and it was a nice idea, and he bought into it, right but then your mother's death interfered for you, and you wanted to focus on that all evening instead of doing work with him and going on that trip. That is how I interpreted the post. Let me know if that's off.

Edit: And I didn't add this but I really have to. (I'm adding this after I already wrote the posts below to you) That I understand that you would not want to do any of that when there is a sudden death. And I understand if it was upsetting that he did not register your feelings on that right away. That can come off very unfeeling and uncaring indeed. That is not due to being actually uncaring though, but it's that brain difference instead. He probably had the deep feelings of sadness but he likely expects himself to have discipline and just push the emotion down and do the work anyway and doesn't always realise it that sometimes that's not what's most beneficial even to himself, let alone for more emotional people who wouldn't want to push down emotions like that.

I'm sorry. I hope you two manage to get through these rough times without more loss of trust on either side (his or yours). I really think that is where couples counselling can help if it's done in time. My main input really here after coming back here and adding this.



All that sounds like you two have a very fundamental communication issue due to different personality styles and you two either figure that out or have to part ways.


I read some of the newer posts too (not all of them yet but I wanted to post this). To me it sounds like he cares about you and is attached to you very much but he is also rigid about emotional things while you are very fluid and spontaneous about your decisions on emotional matters. And that creates a fundamental communication issue and differences in lifestyle.

I'm also the type that's not always fluid, though I try hard. That is why I've been on this forum too and been into psychology for years though I have also had many disappointments with trying to do all this. Anyway... That is why I didn't realise at first that you did already write the answer to my question on why you did not want to do the work on that evening. You said you wanted to focus on family. Your boyfriend also took time to understand that you wanted to concentrate on family all day/evening. He clearly has good intentions and cares about you but he takes time to understand you about these emotional things. That's just how it will always be, even if he improves. Whenever there is a conflict, then he will also always be probably be annoyed with your spontaneity in decisions and some of your different priorities. Just differences though. I don't know how much they can be accepted eventually, because I think it requires much, much maturity that most people don't have time to grow into. Because of life's other demands too. The more demands and stresses external life has, the more conflicts like this will happen, too. That is another way how all that connects.



See above paragraph. I think it is great of him to have had the willingness to apologise like this even though the problem was only that he just does not have the same emotional brain as yours.


Again, differences are fine, you are fine the way you are with having an emotional brain and he is fine too the way he is with having a less emotional brain

My suggestion is simply to appreciate that he has had the willingness to apologise and adjust to you. Maybe that will help with rebuilding trust too and with your forgiveness of the past.




Let me guess, a conflict was already underway when he talked like that. I don't assume he would want to talk like that by default.

I'm not trying to defend him, but I just think it can help taking these things into account. I hope this helps. And one last note. I naturally understand his pov more easily than yours even if I do not agree with his rudeness - but I was very interested in your feelings too and I found it helpful to read your posts to understand more myself.