@
blubbbrabbel
Quote:
Originally Posted by blubbbrabbel
Im sorry for not replying at all. My mother died soon after I wrote here.
|
I'm very sorry about that. I am sure this temporarily makes the whole job of dealing with the relationship with your bf harder too. For both of you actually probably
Quote:
|
My boyfriend was there with my father and me when she passed away. And he was a huge support to both of us. I feel very gratefull for everything he did for my family. And we got very close again.
|
Again this shows to me he cares a LOT about you.
Quote:
As it is... life goes on... and trouble is back...
The very same day that my mother died, she gave us a note abouthow she wanted the newspaper anouncement of her death. This is something common in my country.
She asked for it to be signed only by my dad and me. And we just went along, trying to respect her last wish, trying to cope with the loss, the shock, trying to cope with all the real life decisions of organizing a funeral.
My boyfriend is disappointed and angry, that I did non include him in the newspaper anouncement. All I can say is that I am sorry. But I am going through this for the first time...
I was about to move in with him. Now he is sleeping on his couch.
Do relationships have to be this way? I am exhausted with how unforgiving he is...
|
No, relationships should not be this hard, but apparently both of you have lost some trust either now or in the past too, and that way it is very hard to be forgiving in the present.
Quote:
|
I get that this the whole situation is horrible for him too... but why cant I be overwhelmed at times? Why is it not ok to make mistakes and appologize?
|
Yes, I'm sure it is horrible for him too. I think the following could help with understanding the behaviours of him:
- He's more emotionally rigid than you (just his brain, this is NOT GOING to change beyond a level - emotionally new situations will always be a problem) so he has to take time to process.
- With that brain, he will get extra rigid under emotional stress such as the death now
- That then means that he will misinterpret things too quickly like he thinks that the fact he can't be included in the signatures means that you don't care anymore, despite plans to move in together. It is irrational for him to think that, yes. I hope in the meantime you two were able to sort it out. (?)
- To me it also means he is very attached to you if he takes the relationship of the two of you this seriously.
- But the past problems and trust issues on both sides (him, you) can mean that this relationship can't be saved and if you try too hard at it it could even become toxic.
I suggest you consider all these points and I hope it helps some.