poppet, i can show anger to a degree but only to a degree...if the anger i'm feeling triggers the rage that's in here, it's stifled and quickly.

hubby gets confused with me because he thinks i get angry about silly things that i shouldn't even give my attn, but when something "big" happens that justifies anger to him, i shut down. he says, "aren't you angry". i say, "yes, extremely" but act is if everything is fine. what he doesn't know is that i'm more than angry, i have rage. at that point, i shut down. it scares me. i hope that makes some kind of sense. it's something that t works with me on on a regular basis and we're making slow progress. it took a long time to be this way, it's going to take some time to let it out and turn it around

thank you so much for your posts and your suggestions. they're great! also, thank you for expressing your relation. it helps to know that i'm not alone