I understand what you say, but as you stated you don't have an access to a therapist at the moment I was trying to think where else you could find people to whose life you could be a part of. It sounds you do not want to be alone. But if a treating one is the only kind of a relationship you are after then maybe try to find if there is an organization to offer some free or low cost talking support or councelling A church, a mental health organization, a help line?