While mild in comparison to some controversial divorces, I feel like it has been a whirlwind of emotions. I've finally gotten to a stable place where I feel adequate enough to divorce my 40 y/o husband. We have no children, just a dog that will be mine...but I just feel so ****** lonely. I feel like I am restarting with finding the love of my life and I'm not so much looking forward to things, just trying to survive at the moment. I can't really speak to anyone, because not many of my friends can relate and are not too understanding. Even those who are are too emotionally involved. Meanwhile, the husband is in total denial and that is hard in itself because I seem to be the only one moving this along and I have no freaking idea where to start. On our bad days, he's just the nastiest person bringing up my vulnerabilities or past trauma and using it against me. I look at him and just don't even know who this person is. We've only been married for 2 years, but still...the fighting and things he says makes me feel so disgusted and lose all care for him. But I am trying to be the bigger person and sit out our one-year lease and go to counseling and move through all this slowly. I understand he needs time to process and will go through the emotions...but sometimes I just look around me and feel such numbness.