Talked to my program therapist about the food issues today. I think it’s because I still feel out of control of my life and my brain, very overwhelmed. I’ve sworn off self harm so my brain has switched to a new maladaptive behavior and thought process.

I am depressed and anxious again today. I have a high urge to self harm and am only comforted by the fact that I ate ok today and went to the gym. I went to Trader Joe’s to get some of my staples and my favorite seasonal items. There were two new items that drew me there, balsamic fig vinaigrette and dill pickle mustard. My god, they are both so good! I eat pretzel thins with mustard for snacks a lot so I think the dill pickle mustard will be excellent. I also had a salad with dinner and used the vinaigrette and it is also a win.

I ordered a piece of canvas wall art. I’m going to put it right next to my bed where I often stare into space when I am upset. It will brighten up the wall and has lots of colors and shapes to count as a grounding exercise.

I think I need to make a list of each thing I must accomplish in order of importance and make a promise to myself to do one thing on the list each day. All I have to do is one, then I can do whatever else I want for the rest of the day. I think that will help reduce this crazy overwhelmed feeling and help me regain some control.