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Originally Posted by Rose76
I agree with posters above. Never try to own property with someone you are not married to. That doesn't go well even when it is a parent and child who co-own . . . or siblings who do it. (I've seen that with people I know very well.)
You make an excellent point, yourself, Vin. You each have young families. The "Brady Bunch" looked great on TV. I promise you that blending two sets of kids under one roof is fraught with HUGE difficulty. Your S.O. and you may love each other. That doesn't mean these kids are all going to even like each other. I betcha there would be way more friction than you can even imagine. Your first obligation is to Your Own kids. If your kids and you are living in a reasonably happy home, I'ld be real slow to disrupt that set up. Your idea about waiting till the kids are older sounded real sensible to me.
I got to wonder why your S.O. is in such a big hurry to want this huge change. Maybe it would be more financially advantageous to her than to you. If the opposite is true, that's no good either. If she sees herself as the senior partner, financially, that can become leverage that she'll use against you down the line.
I'll bet you two don't have identical parenting styles. That will lead to problems. When your kid and her kid don't get along (which will happen,) she's going to blame your kid. You're going to care more about your kids than her kids. (That's called "maternal instinct.") Your responsibility as a mother takes precedence over any relationship reponsibility to an S.O. Don't ruin your kids' lives.
Maybe this relationship with your S.O. will last. Maybe it won't. (Statistics say the odds are that it will eventually fail. I wish you luck.) But you will always be your kids' mom. Do what will best protect their interests. That will end up being what is in your best interests.
I've known some blended families. The ones I knew didn't work out too good at all. The upside was an apparent temporary increase in sexual/intimacy satisfaction. (That can seem important, and it is.) In both blended families that I knew, someone's kid ended up dead - one from a drug OD, the other as a victim of a murder. I couldn't help but wonder if those two deaths might not have happened, if each parent prioritised his/her own kids and respected their partners' obligation to do the same.
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Thank you very much for your words and time as I very much appreciate it!
FYI - I had ended this relationship about four months ago but I still battle with these thoughts and issues as if it was yesterday. I am still looking to further justify for whatever reason my decision to walk way. My living situation with my kids and my home is just great. She was struggling financially to pay for her mortgage and was not happy with her living situation so the move in together would be benefiting her and not me. Sure it would be nicer to have a bigger home but I was happy with my three bedroom home currently as it fit my own family units needs being a father of two and it is also a newer home.
We defintely do have different parenting styles as our kids have very different personalities. For example yes the first time our kids had a play date at my home her daugther ended up crying and blamed it all 100% on my daughter. I can acknowledge yes that my daughter is very strong willed and can be bossy but on the other hand her daughter has the mentality (clinically diagnosed) of a 7 or 8 year old (Both our daugthers were 10) and her daughter also has no friends and social issues and ADD. Her daugther wasn't getting a turn at that moment of playing a piano so she just sat there alone and cried...again I acknowledge my daughters behaviour of not sharing at that moment but she was totally vilified and made out to be such a terrible kid just because her kid was crying. Her kid has social issues.....Anyhow...I know I made the right decision as putting my kids first means keeping them in our house just the three of us for now at least. I think I dodged a bullet by not selling my house and moving in all together all six of us. She would have been the main beneficiary of that. She would also "check in" every month to see if I was still "on board" of buying a house together which made me feel terrible because if this person truly loved me, they would just walk way because I wouldn't sell my house?