leomama,

Life is about learning and without "mistakes" we wouldn't learn, or at least I think that is the case. It takes hard lessons so that we can reflect on how to improve our lives. My lesson with my ongoing divorce is a bitter hard pill to swallow, yet one that is teaching me much about myself. So, kudos to you for wanting to understand why you did what you did.

For me, life is about taking chances and the end result isn't always clear. When I first met my ex-wife, I thought all was clear and that the future only held positive outcomes. How wrong I was with that perception. Now, I don't want to be a debbie downer, but life is about learning and growing. The growing part is where some people seem to be stunted, myself included. I do seem to choose partners that are reminiscent of my mother and I am not sure if I have control over that.

As someone else mentioned, at least you only spent 1 year with this man. I am not trying to oversimplify your situation, but trust me years that are built into a relationship can takes years to heal should a breakup occur. As I heal, my ex has moved on to greener pastures. But this isn't about me...

To sum up, I think it is awesome that you are trying to reflect upon this, but in my opinion, chalk it up to a learning experience and try not to repeat it. Life is a mystery and the dance of life can be a wild ride.

--sarc