How do I cope with this and why does it bother me? What do I do about it?

Its a few things. Mainly, I'm feeling hurt and/ or left out. There's a few issues I'm struggling with, but I will give just one of them here.

Before the pandemic, my friend started a DnD group. He invited me, and while I quickly learned I'm not into DnD, I liked hanging out with this group of people. Sometimes I'd go just to sit with them and knit. I had sort of a crush on one of the guys there. At a coffee hour thing, me and the guy I had a crush on played jenga. But something he said rubbed me the wrong way, ppl were watching and I was uncomfortable. That night my male friend texted me, teasing me about liking this guy. I didn't like that either. Then the pandemic hit and everything went to ****. Crush guy was in a few zoom events I went to, but he completely ignored me even when I tried to engage positively. He just seemed so standoffish. They started DnD recently again. I wasn't invited, but my male friend told me it started up again. I expressed to him how lonely I've been (not as a hint to join the group), but he invited me to join and I was elated. I found out they met this week though, and he hadn't told me. I asked if I could join next week, and he said "well its just going to be me and ____ (guy I had crush on) so maybe you should come the week after." I have no idea why he said this. I did mention to him that crush guy was standoffish. I don't know.

Honestly, it hurts to be left out, but I don't want to be part of a group of people who I feel doesn't accept me, can't communicate appropriately, and who I feel very insecure around now.

And I know I have that one guy friend...but sometimes I'm not sure about him. He can be very negative, pushy / forceful with his opinions, and callous. He's also very lovely - we have good convos sometimes. But maybe distance is a good idea.

I am *very* lonely. And hearing about how happy they are, feels even lonelier. I feel like I'm in 6th grade all over again. But back then I didn't listen to my intuition. I tried to befriend people who weren't right for me / rejected me.

What do you think? Should I try to hang out with these people? Or let it be?