I did not do my one thing. I exercised. I made a grave mistake and weighed myself. I have gained weight. A decent amount. I have started counting calories again. I am monitoring my sugar intake. It is tiring.

I have a high urge to self harm. I should cuddle my unicorn but I do not want to alert RS that something is wrong. But the last time I held it in I had a psychotic break. I’m just so ashamed of my behavior. And my emotions. I still feel like I deserve to feel this way, as a penance of sorts for my many transgressions.

I’ve got to be more open in groups. At least to the ideas put forth. Tomorrow is the DBT acronym ACCEPTS. I glanced at the sheet. The other group is readiness. I feel like I am only somewhat ready to change. It’s the shame and feeling that I don’t deserve happiness that’s holding me back.

I’m going to call it a loss on today and get up and try again tomorrow.