Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
I would describe the above as emotional blackmail, which is when someone punishes you emotionally when you don't do or say what they want.
Emotional blackmail - Wikipedia
I would not describe her as being nice to you when she persists in doing things that drive you crazy and then gets unpleasant when you share how you feel about what she is doing. Nor would I consider those behaviors to be age-appropriate ways to demonstrate love for you.
Why shouldn't you feel that way? A serious question.
It sounds like you feel helpless to do anything about her visits or behavior.
You are not a monster. Just to give you some perspective, if I myself had a sibling who was doing what your sister is doing I would feel very much like you are describing. Suffocated. Overwhelmed. Anxious about, dreading their next visit.
My thinking is that you have two basic choices. You can allow things to continue as they are, in the name of family and her feelings about you. Or you can have an honest conversation with her in which you establish some boundaries.
In my opinion the second choice is healthier for you--and also for her. However, you will be running the risk that she gets upset, gets abusive, speaks poorly about you to family, and separates herself from you, at least temporarily.
If you decide to establish some boundaries, what might they be?
No. |
I am really grateful for your reply. I agree with your point about setting boundaries. I try it with my sister all the time, and it feels like an uphill struggle. I have some maternal feelings towards her and she knows how to milk them. But I acknowledge that I need to keep trying if I am to have any kind of relationship with her, no matter how anxious I feel at the thought of confronting her. There is no knowing which version of her I am going to get.
You asked me why should I feel bad about resenting my sister. I think the reason is, because I believe she loves me. Many times she does thoughtful things for me. We shared a beautiful bond when we were children. I am wary about hurting someone who loves me. But these days more and more I am feeling like her prisoner.
Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply. It felt really good to get these things off my chest. Sending good vibes to you.