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Originally Posted by Vindicated17
Thank you for your input! I know I have to take responsibility as well as she would check in to see if I still wanted to buy a house together and I would always say that was the goal as it is nice to have a goal. What I should have done was just say no I do not want to buy a house together and have her leave me because of that maybe I wouldn't be going through all of this emotional turmoil. I look back on it and know I should have gotten out sooner rather than later. I am trying my best not to have a jaded view on relationships but have been watching a lot of youtubers and videos about the "Red Pill". I agree yes there would have been something else she wanted after a house. Maybe next was a new vehicle for the family to fit everyone like a van. Then who knows after that. I just want someone to actually love me for me and just be happy with me and not a wanted future object. I want someone to know my worth and know that they are lucky to have me for me and not base it on anything else.
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1. The Red Pill is for guys who allow themselves to go low. It's not just a jaded view on things, it's worse. Don't bother with it. Don't let yourself get that low just because you met one ****** woman. Not all women are like that, luckily.
2. I agree with TishaBuv, it's completely normal to say yes you'd like the house thing too but are not ready yet, but not exclude it either right away. Bet this is one of the things where your gf subtly gaslighted you. Since she likely guilt tripped you about it while ignoring and dismissing your own reality, so you feel the need you have to take responsibility for something you are not actually responsible for.
The example of where she accused you and your character to manipulate information out of you about your money, that's a great giveaway too about her mindset, and yes, an instant red flag. This was a toxic woman, be glad and celebrate that you escaped.
Check out the book by Susan Forward about Emotional blackmail. It may apply to your case.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vindicated17
Hello! I very much feel the need to endlessly find more justifications and know I'm emotionally effected by all that went on. I will even just cycle through the same justifications over and over again. I am having a tough time understanding why this is as I have accepted the end of the relationship, I do not want this person back and would have very fierce words for them if I ever saw them again. I just want to move on and be happy. Maybe it's the step of forgiving in order to stop battling with these issues? Maybe I have not forgiven them for all of the mental hurt that I felt and still feel to this very day. They occupy too much of my mental space each day. I don't think I have ever walked away from someone due to these types of issues and rather someone had cheated on me so my brain handled it different. This is by far the most turmoil and pain and struggle post-breakup. I know I did the right thing but all of that logic doesn't seem to coincide with how my heart feels.
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Yes, a lot of turmoil and pain ensues when you're in a relationship with an emotionally manipulative person that wants to emotionally control you for their own self-serving goals. That is why your heart is so confused now, too. The book I mention above may help in extricating yourself from the manipulative messages that probably went deep in your subconscious.