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Originally Posted by TishaBuv
I don’t necessarily see it as she didn’t love you for you or that she was ONLY using you. She could have chosen anyone, but she chose you for a relationship. So, feelings must have been authentic. It isn’t also necessarily a bad thing for her to have pressed the shared home because she needed your financial help, if her feelings for you were genuine. The big red flag IMO is when you chose to use a lawyer to protect all parties and make it fair for each to retain the money they put in. That sounds totally reasonable to a person who does NOT have bad intentions, but her refusal shows bad intent to me.
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I agree with a lot of your post. Just would like to say, I highly doubt she had many authentic feelings because of how willing she was to do blackmail. Who knows what criteria she used to pick him, it doesn't mean she had real feelings. Maybe she had some, but she had more feelings for other things, unfortunately.
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Unmarried people do buy homes together. The lawyer could have protected everyone, including custody of children and such. This was a legally possible thing to do.
The way she acted toward your child during the conflict with hers was another red flag about things to come.
If you are taking some responsibility for your part of why you didn’t just tell her ‘no’ to the house, maybe you kept it as a ‘someday’ with her because you were enjoying the relationship and wanted to give it more time to see if you started to feel more sure and secure with her…but too many red flags caused you to end it.
If she had been more honest and fair, if her financial woes were a problem, and the relationship was otherwise good, you both may have kept progressing in the relationship.
I’m saying someone ‘loving you for you’ doesn’t mean money will never be a factor at all. Money is a big issue in life! But, honesty and fairness with concern for the best interests for everyone is the critical thing to have in a relationship.
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For sure good summary and distinctions about the roles love and money play.