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Originally Posted by Alive99
2. I agree with TishaBuv, it's completely normal to say yes you'd like the house thing too but are not ready yet, but not exclude it either right away. Bet this is one of the things where your gf subtly gaslighted you. Since she likely guilt tripped you about it while ignoring and dismissing your own reality, so you feel the need you have to take responsibility for something you are not actually responsible for.
The example of where she accused you and your character to manipulate information out of you about your money, that's a great giveaway too about her mindset, and yes, an instant red flag. This was a toxic woman, be glad and celebrate that you escaped.
Check out the book by Susan Forward about Emotional blackmail. It may apply to your case.
Yes, a lot of turmoil and pain ensues when you're in a relationship with an emotionally manipulative person that wants to emotionally control you for their own self-serving goals. That is why your heart is so confused now, too. The book I mention above may help in extricating yourself from the manipulative messages that probably went deep in your subconscious.
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Thank you for all of your responses as they are very insightful and mean more than you know and truly hit home. Everything you say makes total sense. I am going to order the E-Book of the book that you mentioned so that I can always have it on my phone as it looks like I could relate well to it.
There was indeed a total "guilt trip" as she would always say things like she feels that she is "invested more" into the relationship than I was. Where in reality we both did the same in terms of pretty much all of our free time, and our kids were involved. She even came to my large family get together at Christmas and my work Christmas party. So, on all fronts there was nothing she was investing in more than myself. She would also say things like she would be "devasted" if we ever broke up while saying I would be just fine so therefore she loved me more than I loved her. She would say sometimes that she would tell her ex spouse (father of her kids) that we were looking at floor plans together for a new home to try and get under his skin. She would put me on this pedestal like I was the greatest thing since sliced bread, convince me I was her best partner she's ever had sexually, compliment me a ton.....then on the other side she would play emotional games. Make me feel that I wasn't putting enough into her and the relationship because I texted her less now over 2.5 years (I got a new job so I was very much busy during the day). She wanted to still be in the honeymoon phase and since my love grew secure, her own insecurities and anxious attachment style projected on me that I was not doing enough.