This is so painful. I imagine that something about her closing private practice feels pointed and as if she is leaving you but not other projects. I don't think you used the word abandonment in your post, but a lot of your post made me think of the hurt and anger and fear which can come around as a result of perceived abandonment, regardless of whether what is happening is actual abandonment or not.

Five months is time to work through an ending, but it's still time limited and that is really hard. How could you let your "why bother" voice be heard? Would she be able to hear it?