Wow! This is way worse than I even inferred from all you've shared. A grown, married woman is calling Mom because "Sis-sis won't hug me enough?" So now we've got triangulation going on? This family dynamic is way, way sicker than I grasped. DO NOT let these two women make you crazy.

Wow - they really are determined. This is emotional tyranny. That sister of yours is some piece of work. And Mom probably fueled this sick stuff starting way, way back. You're going to have to stop idealizing your sister as this loving, good-hearted person and recognize how truly wicked she is capable of being, whenever you dare to not give her exactly what she wants.

I'm not saying you shouldn't love your sister. But she's got an evil streak that must not be indulged. It's time for you to get very serious about refusing to be controlled by Sis and by Mom. You may need some professional counseling to get through the fight you have ahead if you. These women play for keeps. They figured out that you are so afraid of being labeled as a meany that you will cave in to their demands to avoid them criticizing you. If push comes to shove, you may have to disengage from them for a period of time . . . for as long as it takes.

Sis-sis wants to own you. Do not give up ownership of yourself. You are in really grave danger of damaging your soul through this family toxicity. I'm not trying to be over-dramatic. This is serious.