My significant other of many years died over a year ago. For the first 3 months I was in bad shape, but then I pulled myself together. In recent months, I was fairly ok. I'ld get a weepy spell now and then, but I'ld recover in an hour and focus on what I needed to get done.

Since Monday, I've been very depressed. Today I hardly ate. I am not keeping up with anything. I don't wash dishes. I don't get dressed. I don't have the strength to get up and do anything. When I try, I just feel sore all over.

I have no interest in my life or in my future. Much of the past year I did care, but I've lost interest. I am not into self-harming. I just wish I could drop off the face of the earth.

I stay home alone most of the time. I hate going out even just to bring in my trash barrel. I need to find people to connect with, but it feels too stressful.

Wed. I see my Primary Care. I want to tell her that I've gotten very depressed. But I'm afraid to even say anything.

People who know me and like to be around me act like my S.O. never existed. For a year, I've hardly mentioned him. I don't believe in moaning and groaning all the time. On the rare occasion when I mention him, they say nothing, and the subject gets quickly changed. I'm sick of that.

What's wrong with people that they want me to act like everything is normal? I do act as chipper as I can around others. I'm sick of that. I need someone IRL to recognize that sometimes I'm in pain. . . . . . . . . . So I want to tell my PCP that I'm not ok. I fear she'll tell me that there's nothing she can do about it. Last year I talked to a psychiatrist who had no empathy. So I never went back to him. Last year I was in a psych hospital for a week, where the staff was very caring. I left there greatly improved.

I don't need to go inpatient to a psych hospital. I do need some kind of help. I don't know where to go.