Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedHelp104
I graduated with a straight-A average in College (3.91 GPA). To make a long story short, I was enrolled in a degree program and had to end up leaving because program director was altering my evaluations and making it a toxic environment. Because I had the necessary documentation to successfully win a court case, I was given a degree in a similar field to keep things quiet by a school administrator who believed my end of the case. Well, turns out the degree I was given is absolutely worthless and that everything I worked hard for means nothing. I ended up graduating top 5% of my class and I don't care because it isn't valued at all. Only job(s) I can afford to get requires at least a HS diploma and the degree I was given is nothing short of a 'stepping stone' major.
I am upset because I wasted my entire youth doing school. I had no friends. I had no social life. I developed no outside interests, because I learned to plug formulas in or always studying my entire life away. I am 24 and I have such regret that hopelessness weighs me down every day. I've never been on a date because I was too preoccupied with excelling in school that proved to not benefit me at all career-wise. People my age are dating, getting married, have semi-decent careers and I am nothing but a worthless failure.
Only options now are to apply for graduate school and go from there. Problem? More money = more debt = more school. At this point, I'm so over school that I don't want to go back and study more, have no life, and breathe and live school again. I want a job and get my life started. I might as well have never went to College because I'm not proud of myself at all.
Done with the vent. Just continued to be disappointed everyday. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, because the feeling you worked (your life) for to only end up with nothing is absolutely the worst feeling in the world.
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Trust me, it's not too late. My first date was when I was 29. Same reasons as yours. I also studied a lot and didn't care much about other things. I have a few good friends, but don't really have much social life.
The very first time I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 21 was also kind of similiar to what you described. I also graduated with honors, so I had this idea that I can get the perfect job. I was so disappointed with my job experience and for the first time I realized the huge disconnect between my reality and expectations. I was so overwhelmed by the amount of overtime work, stressed by my toxic boss, disappointed with my salary, and it caused me to get physically sick at least once a month. I couldn't handle everything and it triggered my depression.
I quit my job (had some depressive and hypomanic episodes, but that's another story) and took another unrelated job that I really love now which is teaching. However, I received a lot criticism from other professionals, my former classmates, friends and relatives. They question why I didn't pursue my career and what did I waste everything I worked hard for. I've struggled with this disappointment for many years, but now I just don't give a ****. I mainly teach, work on my original career as my second job and found a good balance for myself.
It takes time but don't give up. You can try many things and eventually find what's right for you.