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mssweatypalms
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Member Since: May 2021
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Default Jul 09, 2021 at 10:45 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedHelp104 View Post
I graduated with a straight-A average in College (3.91 GPA). To make a long story short, I was enrolled in a degree program and had to end up leaving because program director was altering my evaluations and making it a toxic environment. Because I had the necessary documentation to successfully win a court case, I was given a degree in a similar field to keep things quiet by a school administrator who believed my end of the case. Well, turns out the degree I was given is absolutely worthless and that everything I worked hard for means nothing. I ended up graduating top 5% of my class and I don't care because it isn't valued at all. Only job(s) I can afford to get requires at least a HS diploma and the degree I was given is nothing short of a 'stepping stone' major.

I am upset because I wasted my entire youth doing school. I had no friends. I had no social life. I developed no outside interests, because I learned to plug formulas in or always studying my entire life away. I am 24 and I have such regret that hopelessness weighs me down every day. I've never been on a date because I was too preoccupied with excelling in school that proved to not benefit me at all career-wise. People my age are dating, getting married, have semi-decent careers and I am nothing but a worthless failure.

Only options now are to apply for graduate school and go from there. Problem? More money = more debt = more school. At this point, I'm so over school that I don't want to go back and study more, have no life, and breathe and live school again. I want a job and get my life started. I might as well have never went to College because I'm not proud of myself at all.

Done with the vent. Just continued to be disappointed everyday. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, because the feeling you worked (your life) for to only end up with nothing is absolutely the worst feeling in the world.
Trust me, it's not too late. My first date was when I was 29. Same reasons as yours. I also studied a lot and didn't care much about other things. I have a few good friends, but don't really have much social life.

The very first time I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 21 was also kind of similiar to what you described. I also graduated with honors, so I had this idea that I can get the perfect job. I was so disappointed with my job experience and for the first time I realized the huge disconnect between my reality and expectations. I was so overwhelmed by the amount of overtime work, stressed by my toxic boss, disappointed with my salary, and it caused me to get physically sick at least once a month. I couldn't handle everything and it triggered my depression.

I quit my job (had some depressive and hypomanic episodes, but that's another story) and took another unrelated job that I really love now which is teaching. However, I received a lot criticism from other professionals, my former classmates, friends and relatives. They question why I didn't pursue my career and what did I waste everything I worked hard for. I've struggled with this disappointment for many years, but now I just don't give a ****. I mainly teach, work on my original career as my second job and found a good balance for myself.

It takes time but don't give up. You can try many things and eventually find what's right for you.
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Thanks for this!
RoxanneToto