I had some very very dark thoughts last night. I ended up reaching out to a text support helpline because I just didn't know what else to do to bring myself back from that place. Unusually for me I couldn't sleep. Why did you land this with me, with then no way to process this with you. That doesn't make any sense. I can only imagine your brain has been scrambled by the recent bereavement, and I can forgive you that, but it has led to thoughts of maybe, if you are now scrambled, you aren't the right person to do this work with anyway. That is very very sad indeed.