Thank you Kit, hugs from someone who gets it are so incredibly welcome. I'm sorry you went through a similar thing. It really does hurt, but I don't want to go down the "she is hurting me" route for too long. What we have achieved is too valuable to destroy by those thoughts, but I am devestated that we won't get to finish what we started. That she won't be with me as I make the next moves in dealing with the past traumas.

I am grateful of the warning, the notice, the time that we will hopefully have to decide what to do going forwards and who knows, maybe we will indeed finish. Maybe this is the kick up the bum that I actually need to really focus on this last phase of the work.

In the meantime I will cry, thank you. It's just hard trying to maintain an outward appearance of doing ok when inside I feel so much grief. Who would understand in my normal life!?! Even if they say they do, they won't know unless they have had this kind of relationship with someone and then had it taken away. Honestly, it feels like a parent is dying. She has been so much the parent I never had in an emotionally present sense and I am losing that.