Choose your battles wisely. I have three kids - all grown adults now. I’m a teacher by the way.

All three have brilliant minds, but two of the three were definitely not motivated learners - not driven by grades. We chose to take the stance that if they took care of their business, passed their classes (yes, passing was perfectly fine with us) so that I didn’t have to get in their business, stayed otherwise out of trouble, that was fine with us. Sure, I could have demanded A’s out of them - they were certainly capable - but it would have been a constant battle, and honestly, I suspect they would have made our household a living hell if I chose that path. The oldest passed his classes, stayed out of trouble, and is a fine man now, gainfully employed. By the way, while he did take some college classes, he decided a college degree was not his path. He found a different career path that has worked well for him. Our 2nd managed to graduate - has stayed in a job (not a great one, but is figuring it out). Both are fine adults, kind individuals. They have and are finding their own way.

Our youngest was the grade-driven, over-achiever. We didn’t have to tell him to study. We didn’t have to tell him to take the hardest classes. We didn’t have to demand he go to college. He WANTED to do those things because that is how he is wired. He’s graduating from college in December and is becoming a teacher.

Pick your battles. Respect you kids enough to have enough expectation that they take care of their business without you having to run their lives for them, and give them the personal responsibility and empowerment to figure it out on their own. I don’t mean let them slack off to the point of failing classes (that was a BIG NO in our house), but I also didn’t expect A’s from them all of the time either.

We had a peaceful, respectful household. Our kids stayed out of trouble. They are morally centered, truly good individuals. They are kind, hard-working adults. They are really close to each other as adults, and our relationship is solid and loving. My husband passed two months ago, and my kids have been my rock. That kind of family foundation and closeness was built on the respect for individuality and autonomy we show them throughout their upbringing. Grades don’t make a person a “real person” - I find that idea disturbing.

As a teacher of high schoolers, I see students who are practically terrorized by parents demanding straight A’s, participation in multiple activities (and high achievement in all of them). I see parents helicoptering over their kids to the point where the kids are stressed, honestly resent their parents constant interference, and can’t problem-solve the simplest stresses because their parents won’t allow them to make mistakes. I see families in crisis because of misplaced priorities on grades and achievement instead of respect, love, and relationship.

Know your kid. They are all SO different. Not every student has to be an A student. I’ve seen A students go absolutely nowhere in their lives because they were burned out, found unhealthy outlets for their stress, were forced into degrees they don’t care about. I’ve seen C students do fantastic things in college or other careers because they found their passion. Some kids LOVE school. They LOVE studying and all it entails. Fantastic. Others simply need to get through school and find their passions in other ways. They can ALL be “real” and successful adults - there are SO many paths to contentment in adulthood.