Artley, thank you for your wise words, and it is definitely an interesting way of looking at it. I totally see your point about my adult self holding the hand of my inner children, and when thinking about my Little One I can absolutely do that now, thanks to therapy. I'm ok with that part now, and ok with that side of therapy ending. But I am not ok with taking the hand of my Teenage part yet, and maybe, if she won't reconsider seeing me past December, this is what we should be working on in the next few months. Getting to the stage where I can be ok with walking alongside myself with this.

Right now, I am fighting for that part, fighting to keep my T and the help and guidance that she is giving both Teenage One and my adult self. It feels like I am asking on behalf of my Teenage One which in itself is a huge step forwards because I don't think I've ever fought for her really.

I think you are right that maybe a change in T won't necessarily be a bad thing, and I do hear what you are saying that it's ok to take a break, but it doesn't feel ok to me right now.

My absuser was a family member, my brother, who I now have a relationship with. The only other direct family I have is my Dad. The three of us are quite close, but we have this HUGE secret. No-one knows. I don't categorically know my brother was there that day, though it seems crazy that he wasn't, (and regardless he physically abused me for years on top) my brother probably hopes I was too young to remember and I have never told my parents, though they knew I was completely messed up, just no idea why. Mum is dead now, just Dad left.

And so we go about our lives with the massive elephant in the room all the time. I cannot, will not, go another ten years to address this. I won't even go another two or three without trying to fix it. The time is now. It has to be, otherwise I feel I have to abandon the relationship I do have with them, and I don't want to do that, not really. I want to repair it properly. I don't know if that makes sense.