I was reading about Heath Ledger last night and how he died of an acute accidental prescription overdose because he just wanted to sleep. It was a bit unsettling since my situation is similar and I’ve often had a lot of that stuff he took in my system at one time because I’m desperate to sleep. When I read that he was 28 when he died I clicked out of the article.

I didn’t take any Geodon this morning. So my hunger is controlled. My anxiety is pretty sucky though. I went to Sonic and I only got 2 iced teas instead of 3. A pair of shorts I ordered April 8th finally came to my correct address yesterday. Don’t buy stuff from Facebook ads. But the quality of these are really good and they fit perfectly. Often stuff from Facebook ads are either scams and you never get the product, or the sizes are way off and a large is more like an XS.

I just chalked it up to a loss and I didn’t involve my mom at all because I knew she’d be hounding me nonstop the entire time with the same questions “have you heard back about the shorts?” “Have you looked into talking with someone at the company?” And I just don’t have the energy for those types of questions so I just never told her. But at least they finally came.

But yeah my anxiety is just tough today. Again. My Valium often just goes right through me. The way the Xanax did. My primary doctor mentioned one time that my supposed chronic kidney disease could possibly be making my mental health meds not work as well. I don’t know if that’s true or not but my anxiety has been pretty bad for awhile.

This doesn’t just feel like normal anxiety. I remember starting to feel this way on June 4th when I was in the hotel right after my surgery. The night before at the restaurant I felt great. and before that things were fine. Then the night of June 4th I just felt this like shift in my emotions and anxiety and I haven’t been the same mentally since. It’s strange.