I did mention it to my Pdoc. I told him everything. That I was completely out of control with my Xanax. And that I was often taking 5 a day, that I was running out early. I was really honest with him and I fully expected him to take me off my Xanax. Instead he said “how about we try Ativan instead?” The Ativan turned out to be Valium. I never had an issue with Ativan even when I was on 2mil a day. So that’s why I agreed to it. Both the ER and my therapist seemed a bit concerned that I was on Valium. I’ve started having my mom hide my meds at night. But during the day they are on the kitchen table. She can see me take them but never pays attention.

I ended up having to take 4 valium today. 2 were just half an hour apart. Then I took all my night meds except for the Geodon. Right now I don’t feel anxious and I don’t feel the need to take my Geodon right now. I’ll take my melatonin in a bit though. This day is just really dragging on. It isn’t even 3 yet.

But my appetite has been very controlled all day. I ate just because I had to. Not because I wanted to. I didn’t have any weird cravings. So if I can lose weight by switching my meds around it will help in other areas of my life. My Pdoc asked me one time if I’d feel better if I lost weight. His comment seemed a bit rude to me. Like was he calling me fat? Especially since I had been talking my therapist about how unhappy I was with my weight (I’m about 30 pounds under 200 pounds so some people don’t get my weight issue.) But she was freaking out that I had an ED. I mean, he wasn't wrong with that remark even if it was kind of off color.