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CANDC · Jul 10, 2021 at 09:24 PM

Hi @TerryL - I hear you. I am sorry you suffered as a child as I guess we all have. It is not easy getting through all that.

Sometimes I have thought I could have turned out differently with a different childhood, but the problem with those hypothetical thoughts I have are that I would not be the person I am today. For better or worse, I think I would still stick with who I am now. Even the bullies who picked on me were only acting out the suffering in their lives. For so many years I blamed them for my state of mind, but the blame game did not work for me. It is only when I see that trauma, although painful and I would not recommend to anyone, has made me stronger and more resilient. It does not give people who hurt me a clean slate or a free pass, but it gives up the internal struggle to change the past, assign blame, or wish for a better or different life.

I guess I have worn out the past trying to think what I could have done differently, but I had to give up that mind game. Now I have to try and pick up the broken pieces and make a life with the time I have left.

Hope you get support and comfort for all you have endured.