I read your original post and the subsequent discussion. A big hug to you for the trauma you have been through. You certainly didn't deserve any of it. You asked if anybody has had similar experiences and how did they get over it, so I am putting in my two cents.

I have been through two long-term, very traumatic, romantic relationships. I have sought therapy (during the second one). Mentally, I am now in a much better position. I am surer of myself. But I have found out that I can't risk being vulnerable in the initial stage of a relationship.

I take things MUCH less seriously now. That is the best advice I can give to you. Don't let your life revolve around your relationship. Don't be in a rush to form an attachment too quickly. Keep your eyes peeled for red flags, but also let loose and try to go with the flow. Don't judge this man too quickly, and keep an open mind. Try to test his reactions with a few harmless questions, like asking his views on women earning more than men, his idea of 'consent' etc. You don’t need to make it sound like police questioning, just casually slide it in when you are having deep and meaningfuls. Try to know him as much as possible before you open your heart to him. Hope this helps.