Dear T,

I know that all I can do is wait, and try to make healthy choices in the meantime, but I want to talk to you RIGHT NOW! I want to get these feelings out, right now. It's like I can't process this on my own. This isn't normal... In normal life you can usually at least have a conversation with the person who has taken action that leads to distress. You can usually try to resolve it, but in this situation I just have to wait. That's not fair.

I've tried gardening, reading, crafting, none of it works, I can't do it. I'm about to go out on my bike.

A day and a half. This evening will be at my family's for the football. I don't like football. But I do want to fix this with my family. How. How do I fix this? I need your help. I need to be brave. Braver than I've ever been before. I feel kind of ready, T. I feel kind of there, have been getting closer all year, but do I do this with you knowing you'll be gone by Christmas?

That's the million dollar question right there...