So Sorry for what happened! Please Do not give up! i think working with a therapist may prove Helpful if you aren't already doing that. i think there may be some books on the subject as well although i don't know much about it. Perhaps "Feeling Good" May Help. Definitely try to improve yourself. Stay Safe. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @black-roses, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!