Hi all,
I'm new to this forum, as I found it while looking for information on the net that could help me out. For anyone who reads this and has some ideas, many thanks in advance.

My issue concerns the relationship with my sister. She is younger than I am and we seem to have a hard time letting go of our family patterns in our 30ies.

My sister often seeks me for advice, sharing emotions, writing me whenever she feel stressed etc. I am in general happy to help out, but since the last year or so it has become so intense that I sometimes feel like she wants me to live her life or to be her emotional assistant. The other way round, it feels like I can never rely on her whenever I feel down: she always rationalizes my problems or provides superficial solutions that I have most of the time thought of myself. At some point, I had given up hope on any empathetic reaction.

To do something about this inbalance, I have been setting boundaries, with the result that she now feels the exact way as I has been feeling about her and we have had some very painful arguments. I have been harsh to her when she felt most vulnerable, because I couldn't stand all her drama any longer, and this really hurt her in a way that she thinks I totally dislike and disapprove of her.

We had some painful but somewhat consolidating discussions now, but I am very afraid of returning to old family sorrow that might isolate me in the family. I've often felt like the black sheep and my sister is much closer to my parents than I am. I think my parents see me primarily as the one hurting her, and as I am the responsible sister I feel like once more I will need to swallow my needs and frustrations when my parents will want to mediate.

We will soon spend a lot of time as a family together and I don't want anything to explode. How can I help returning this back to a peaceful situation so we can have a good time?

Thanks for anyone who has any advice on this.