My wife accuses me of lingering anger towards her, and of having small things escalate too quickly.
She's right.
She's a had a lot of health problems for a long time. I've carried a lot at home, for income, for caring for her at times, with the kids, etc.
She went through periods of true depression and I received a lot of verbal anger.
*I don't want to, or intend to speak poorly about her. I know she gave me 110% of the reserves she had, but she was tapped out for a long time., almost 10 years of crippling illness. I couldn't imagine the life she had. *
There were also things I really screwed up during these times. She DIDN'T get the emotional support from me she needed. I did the physical things that had to be done, but failed to look after her emotionally.
Her health has turned. Some answers have been found, and she is doing, much, much better in recent months.
I feel like I am bursting, all the time, waiting for some positve validation from her. I've told her very, very clearly what I need. I see her heaping validation and positivity on other people, including people that openly turned their backs on her 5 years ago during the worst of her illness.
The other thing is, that when she was sick, I was torn apart at times for the little bit of time I took to have with friends whose support I needed. I mean, guys who physically took burdens off my hands for things I couldn't keep up with, who later said, "Can you help me on Saturday with this project at my house." I was let know often where my responsibilities and time were supposed to be.
I feel like I waited for her for all these years. I feel like I cut ties with people I needed in my life, just be around more and do more at home. I was emotionally unavailable to my wife, I KNOW, because you have to bottle your emotions to get through something like we went through. I, literally, cleared her throat and kept her from gagging on her tongue more than once, and went to every doctor appointment with her for years. You can't do that, and work, and be the Dad, and be emotional.
Now she is flowing with positivity and life for everyone else.
My lingering desire for validation is really wrecking us now. I've been so bottled up for so long I can't talk without flooding with everything.
RDMercer